what does love got to do w it?

ive been going through a hard time recently.

yeah, thats me- always in a drama or something.

you dont like it?

leave.

umm sorry for that.

hi, to those who are still reading.

i guess the people who knows me and anyone whos been reading my emotional tweets and blog posts would know that i dont have a smooth sailing relationship. no i dont. but we often played along and succeeded at acting like things are okay.

we both love each other very much but we just cant seem to get it together :((

so ive been reading some articles from this anger management website (we are both angry and frustrated people) named www.angriesout.com and i find the articles very helpful.

i dont mean to highlight my problems to everyone. but coming across this website made me think about the what ifs. 'it would have been great if i knew all of this before' or 'things wouldve been different by now' etc etc.

so i would like to share some of the articles w you.

hope this helps:

why people stay in relationships with angry people?

Do you wonder why you put up with a continually angry partner, family member or friend? People who give too much, too soon and too easily often have neurotic needs that keep them in unhealthy relationships. Anger, the love addictions and codependency often go together to keep people in destructive situations. Anger kills romance and intimacy. It destroys the trust between two people and fuels betrayal until the good feelings of love disappear.

Love addictions come out of a neediness to be loved, which started when the young child was not loved and cared for in safe and supportive ways. Perhaps the baby was not wanted and picked up this message from the parents. Perhaps the child was criticized and scolded leaving her with a feeling of being flawed. Maybe she felt that she could never meet her parent's unrealistic expectations. Or decided that she was unworthy when she was rejected and abandoned by those she loved. All of these possibilities create insecurity and low self esteem in the child.

The person caught in addictive behavior goes through life trying to feel good but never making it. She seeks closeness and connection to try to make up for early feelings of loneliness and abandonment. And she invariably chooses partners who have anger and addiction issues of their own.

Real love is not about continued pain. It is about creating a partnership which each person cares and nurtures the other person.

*click title for the full article.

learning to see things from your partner's point of view: imago therapy

Remember when you first fell in love with your partner and how the world was so rosy and your partner was simply wonderful? And how you felt deeply connected and understood? Ahhh, the joys of the early part of relationship.

What we really want is to be truly understood. And to be really seen by the person we care about. To find someone who can read our minds and meet our needs. To find true love and intimacy that lasts a lifetime. To be loved unconditionally by our partner. We want love especially when we are angry and wounded by our partner. We want to stay in that euphoric space of new love. To get the 'Happy Ever After' promised by fairy tales.

But despite our deep longing to be connected with the one we choose to be with, Happy Ever After rarely happens. Most often, when one partner is angry, the other person becomes angry back or shuts down. During conflict, the two partners disconnect from each other. The relationship suffers as people become disillusioned with their partner. The two people may even secretly start to look for exits from the relationship. Common exits are addictions, silence and withdrawal, increased fighting, self-blame and depression, anxiety and threatening to leave the relationship.

The main purpose of a committed love relationship is to become a responsible loving adult and complete unresolved childhood issues.

*click title for the full article.

the best way to fight

The most successful relationships have partners who are willing to hear and deal with the complaints. This means that the man must be willing to be influenced by the woman. The willingness to be influenced by each other and take complains seriously is a skill necessary for a happy relationship. Men who are willing to share the power with their wives get to have a happier relationship. Men who are typically less able to express themselves and withdraw from fights result in having a partner who holds on to anger. The woman seeks closure around an issue and remains angry when the problem is not solved.

Anger, per se does not destroy a relationship. It is how people DO their anger that creates problems in couples. Happy families know how to settle disputes without leaving scars.

*click title for the full article.

well i hope reading the articles help some of you who might be experiencing what im dealing with right now.

ive learnt that being angry doesnt get you anywhere. being in denial doesnt get you anywhere either.

reading the articles make me realize that letting go of my anger and frustration is crucial in order to have a grudge-free happy life.

and ive been living in denial all this while. i forced myself into believing that things are going to be okay, that things will get better.

but it wont.

he doesnt love me anymore. and im accepting it now.

cant blame the guy though, i am an ugly person i admit. insecure, controlling, obnoxious, its easy to conclude that i am a moron.

and i did something bad once. something im not proud of. my biggest regret, if not my only regret.

so yeah. i wont force him into loving me anymore. he wants to be free, and he deserves to be free.

so im letting go.