Tuesday, June 29, 2010


i guess its no longer a secret. im just another girl struggling to be thin. why, you ask?

heres 30 reasons why:
  1. so that i can try on clothes without wanting to stay in the fitting room, curl up into a ball, and die.
  2. so that every and any photos taken of me from any angle will look good.
  3. so that i wont be the fattest girl out of my friends.
  4. so that all my old expensive clothes fit again.
  5. so that my cheek bones will resurface.
  6. because skinny girls can get away with wearing any outfit or having any style or making any face.
  7. so that i wont look like a messy slob with no self control.
  8. so that my arm flab doesnt spread out when i rest my arms aside.
  9. so that my breasts gets smaller.
  10. so that my back wont hurt from standing up straight and holding the breasts up.
  11. so that people whisper about how skinny ive gotten behind my back.
  12. so that when i sit, no matter what im wearing my tummy remains one flat perfect board.
  13. so that i never have to worry about love handles oozing over the edges of my jeans.
  14. so that i can rush out of the house in jeans and a tshirt and look like a model.
  15. so that my boyfriend will be proud to show me off to his friends and family.
  16. so that i dont have to wake up in the morning without trying on a million and a half outfits and looking fat in each one.
  17. so that my self control, my amazing discipline shines through for everyone to see.
  18. so that i dont have to worry about my shirt riding up and exposing my round tummy.
  19. so that there is a space between my legs.
  20. so that the shorter the shorts, the better.
  21. so that ill be referred to as the skinny one.
  22. so that my boyfriend can hoist me over his shoulders with ease, especially during concerts.
  23. so that my collar bones could poke an eye out.
  24. so that my hip bones will hurt people when i hug them.
  25. so that no matter what angle, or how hard i try it is physically impossible for me to have more than one chin.
  26. so that my shoulder blades are literally blades.
  27. so that nobody even remembers that chubby girl i used to be.
  28. so that im delicate and graceful.
  29. because no one wants a fat daughter, best friend or girlfriend.
  30. because everything, i mean every single thing about my life will be better when i am finally skinny.
below are some skinny foxes, my thinspiration.

of course im not trying to as skinny as they are, that will prolly take me 100 years.
i just wanna be skinnier than i am now.

aaaannndd this is me,

wish me luck?


i think im obsessed with happy looking couples.


I hate having unsettled thoughts before I go to bed. Cuz they will leave me wide awake early in the morning. And the silence allows me to evaluate every single aspect of my life and of course that will leave me even more disturbed.

I think too much, even in my sleep.

I rarely feel safe.

And I hate it.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Why don't you just grab a knife and stab my heart.

Possessive mothers will be the death of me :'(

The end.


Ini adalah siri sms diantara saya dan kawan saya.

Kenapa saya tak suka HGB:
- rupa fizikalnya annoying. Kalau tengok rasa nak lempang.
- makan tak berhenti.
- lembab.
- malas. Makanan depan muka pun suruh orang ambik.
- tak menolong. Pinggan tu berat orang dah angkat kat depan muka dia pun tak faham bahasa nak angkat. (Refer to lembab).
- suka buat lawak bodoh.
- dalam training bukan dengar pun termenung tengok makanan.
Sekian, terima kasih.

Saya juga berpendapat yg sedemikian. Kalo bab makan memang kemain laju.. Nak print letterhead pon ckp x tau.. Biler org nak ajar terus ckp malas.. Kalau awak raser nak lempang, sy lak raser nak sepak.

Jika berada di dalam meeting atau/dan di office, jangan kuat makan.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Mad Men.

Just watched a few episodes of Mad Men and I'm in love. No, I'm not cheap. The show is THAT good :)

On a separate note, I miss my boyfriend. We have only been apart for like 4 hours, and I miss him terribly already. But I kinda like this tingly feeling, its interesting. And I think I want to enjoy it for a couple of days.

Okay I know this is random but I like being random - good luck, in whatever you do ;)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Reward yourself.

Is a word that has been overly used by me.

Must. Stop. Rewarding self for little little achievements.

Expect yourself to be that good. You're supposed to be that good.

Rewarding yourself too often is like selling yourself short.

Listen to yourself, hidayah.

this is a sad love story.


Saturday, June 19, 2010

I found

- loyal companionship
- love
- ever lasting friendships
- comfort
- humour
- encouragement
- the most valuable advice a girl could ever have

in books.

I love my books, they're my best friends.

Friday, June 18, 2010


I am going through something, something I'm not even quite sure of.
But I do know something is wrong.
My level of tolerance towards work is alarmingly depleting. I couldn't care less. Sometimes I show up late, sometime I bail earlier than I should and sometimes I don't even show up at all.
I guess the fact that I don't have anything to lose is sinking in.
And maybe, just maybe, I don't mind losing my job.


Anyway, I hope this will be a short phase.

I haven't decide whether I want to continue being a zombie like this or not.

But I am certain of one thing, I am going to regret this in the future.

Ohh well, its friday! :))

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Cry me out.

Do you know that feeling when you thought life is good but suddenly everything is falling apart?

Yup, that one.

I hate it.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

okay this made me happy for a good 4 minutes.


what did i tell yah?

I could really use

- a hug
- a pair of black JP (size uk 6)
- some sense into my father's head
- an outlet to drain out my boyfriend's ego
- a less self righteous me
- mad men dvd box set
- rules of engagement season 2 dvd box set
- accidentally on purpose dvd box set
- some good news
- kak siti being home earlier than 29th june 2010

right now.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Ear vs Heart.

My Heart finally got the chance to hear Paramore's The Only Exception after being persuaded by my Ear for one too many times.

And I have to admit, that's some epic shit. The words pierced through my Heart and left a big mark.

I have found The One but haven't been behaving like I did.

So if you'll excuse me, I think I need to bury my Ego.

how do i

tell Dad that it's not okay to be rude to people?

i think our driver wants to quit or is thinking about quitting. he didnt show up again today. and im seeing it as a subtle warning.

how do i fix this?

great escape.

i want to live in a house boat too!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

but i never told you what i should've said.

i'll wait for you there like a stone.


always the second choice.

kalau sempat.
kalau ingat.
tengok laa dulu.
nanti confirm.
tak tau lagi.
penat, next time laa?

*muntah keluar empty promises*

Another simple equation.

Be rude to your friends and they will leave you.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Biggest Loser Australia.

I was on leave last week so I had fun catching up w the tv series.

And I have to admit I got hooked on The Biggest Loser Australia. I have never watched one before, and I have to admit its kinda fun.

I learned something valuable out of that tv show. Its actually common sense but sometimes these things need to be told / to be spelled out in the most obvious way to let it sink in.

Losing weight is a mental game and everybody can do it. Yes, you can.

In that show, I saw the contestants who weigh more than 100kgs (I kid you not) run for an hour straight, run exploring the hills, climb up stairs, take up the fying fox challenge, the free fall challenge etc etc.

So yeah, mind over matter.

You are capable of anything :)

Friday, June 11, 2010

bullshit and love.

lately i have realized that all i really need is somebody who will listen to my bullshit,
call me out on my bullshit,
and love me despite my bullshit.

and i have found that someone.

thank you for loving me and keeping up w me, sayang.

i love you.

till death do us part. xx

i love you for sentimental reasons

dad threw away my seasoned white JP ;(


Monday, June 7, 2010

dear me,

please get your shit together.
please learn how to manage your time well, and learn to not procrastinate.
and please understand that things will not happen unless you make it happen.


this is me PMSing.

being maidless is no fun.
baby brother is acting out.
dad is dad.
mother is bitter than ever.
some still live their lives as if nothing has changed.

and i suck in the kitchen.

i wish i could be in hazims arms and just stay there for a while.

random thought: i hate kristen stewart.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

i want to wake up to this every morning.

aaaahhhhh tranquility, how i long for you.

im so pissed.

and im too hurt to talk about it.

i decided that i dont need the abuse, hence those jerks are deleted from my facebook.
and if you are reading this, congratulations.
your intention to hurt me succeeded w flying colors.
i am hurt beyond words.

let that be enough.


Thursday, June 3, 2010


And life would be so much easier ;)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I fall so easy for cheesy things in life.

please listen to the song while looking at the pictures ;)


How Not To Date Like Carrie Bradshaw.

Carrie Bradshaw is not only a Manhattan and fashion icon, but as a dating columnist, she’s considered a dating icon as well. Why? She’s selfish, immature, manipulative, impulsive, and, let’s face it, kind of psycho. She gives women, even kooky women, a bad name. Ladies, feel free to emulate Carrie’s style and visit her favorite NYC haunts, but when it comes to dating, it’s best to do anything but what she does. Carrie makes several common mistakes throughout the “Sex and the City”series and by watching her missteps, women can learn a lot about what to do and, more importantly, what not to do, at all stages of a relationship.

Assume makes an ass out of u and me. When Carrie begins dating Mr. Big, she assumes that since she’s not seeing anyone else, he’s not either. Predictably, she’s shocked when she finds him at dinner with another woman. Although she and Big had slept together, they had only gone on two dates at that point; he certainly didn’t owe her exclusivity, especially when they hadn’t discussed it. If you don’t want your new guy to date anyone else, make sure he knows it. While there’s no magic time to have the “what do we call this relationship” talk, it’s imperative that you have the talk at some point.

Over-analyzing doesn’t solve anything. Carrie often falls into the trap of over and over and over-analyzing every aspect of her relationships, wondering what each and every little tiny thing means. She looks for hidden meanings in the most ordinary events. When Big takes her to the same restaurant twice in a row, she looks for a secret motive. She listens to answering machine messages from him repeatedly, straining to hear what he’s not saying. Sometimes, men are not up-front about why they do what they do, but most of the time, a restaurant is just a restaurant and a message is just a message.

Stalking isn’t sexy. “Sex and the City” existed in a time before cell phones were ubiquitous, Google was a verb, and posting on Facebook and Twitter became a national pastime. Yet Carrie still manages to stalk Big, following him to church to see what he does on Sundays and with whom, and concocting a scheme to meet his ex-wife. While there’s nothing wrong with looking up a new date online (I once found out a potential suitor had a girlfriend after I Googled him!), cyberstalking or, worse, actually stalking someone likely won’t end well. When he finds out that you’ve been moonlighting as a private investigator, he won’t be flattered. Instead he’ll wonder what he’s getting himself into and will probably be ready to end what may have just started.

Every couple has their own “normal.” After Carrie sleeps with Big three nights in a row without having sex, she asks Miranda if the celibacy streak is normal. Miranda gives the perfectly succinct response: “It depends on what’s normal for you.” Every relationship has its own “normal.” If you had sex three times a week with your last boyfriend and have sex twice a week with your new boyfriend, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your new relationship; it just means you two have a different rhythm. While you should always be you in a relationship, you’ll interact differently with every guy you meet, meaning every relationship will have its own idiosyncrasies.

Drama doesn’t equal passion. Carrie is scared when Aidan seems “too perfect.” She wants to know what’s wrong with him and insists he must be hiding a big secret from her. As she ponders her new relationship, she writes, “Do we need drama to make a relationship work?” The answer is no. Unfortunately, many women equate drama with passion. A relationship filled with drama is usually exciting because you never know what could happen – good or bad. That kind of excitement can be destructive and is ultimately unsustainable. A drama-free relationship isn’t one that’s necessarily without love or passion; it’s one that’s mature enough to not need the emotional roller coaster.

Perfect doesn’t exist. Even as Aidan is too perfect, Carrie insists on perfection when she goes out with Berger for the first time. She goes shopping for the perfect outfit and tries to think of what would be worthy of their perfect first date. However, she soon realizes that Berger isn’t interested in her clothes or doing the best thing ever; he’s interested in her. When we strive for perfection we’re bound to be disappointed because no date, guy or relationship will ever live up to that expectation.

Be the better person. In one of the most memorable scenes of the series, Berger dumps Carrie on a Post-it note. Was he nasty and immature? Absolutely! But was she right to yell at his friends when she ran into them at the club opening? No. Of course she was hurt and angry, but she ranted at the wrong audience. Although he was a jerk, she made herself look ridiculous. Everyone gets dumped at some point— if you take the high road, he’ll look like the bad guy and it won’t look like he had a reason to end things.

If you’re not yourself around him, he’s not right for you. When she’s dating Aleksandr Petrovsky, Carrie subverts herself and her desires to please her new man. She feigns interest in his interests and eventually gives up her career, apartment and city for him. It’s great to explore new things in a relationship— in fact, one of the best aspects of dating is that it opens you up to new people and ideas—but when you stop acting like yourself and start taking on your boyfriend’s ideas and ideals, it’s time to disentangle from the relationship and find yourself again.

Magical endings are for movies, TV shows and fairy tales. The series ends when Carrie is reunited with both Manhattan and Big. Sweeping camera angles, soaring music, and kissing under lampposts in the rain are great for fiction, but sometimes holding hands on the couch says more about a couple’s commitment to each other. Don’t forget to cherish the small moments while you wait for the big ones that might never come.


source: the frisky

song of the day.

i'll be up up and away
up up and away
cuz they gon' judge me anyway
so whateverrr.

you have to watch this. please.

be thankful :)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Right vs Wrong.

I know you hate it when I'm right.
I hate it too.

I wish you would prove me wrong someday.

Its scary to trust, but I still believe in you.

You can do it.