Tuesday, December 29, 2009

we are built to survive certain tragedies.

Page 274.
Perhaps the most dangerous thing about falling in love, especially ill-fated love, is the way it can make you forget that you're a person with a life. I have seen far too many capable, healthy people with jobs and families and great apartments simply turn into puddles of self-pity all because of a star-crossed relationship that took a lousy turn. I never pictured myself as the type, but there I was, two weeks after George made his sudden and dramatic exit, barely working and barely getting through the day. It was like I'd just forgotten that I had an identity before George.

Page 276.
'I think so.'
'No, you don't. you've hurt his feelings, but that's not the damned problem.'
'It's not?'
'No, the damned problem is that you've embarrassed him. Men can take bullets, but they can't stand to be humiliated.'
'You're saying I should've shot him?'
'I'm saying you need to find a way to give him back the power. He can't come back without a reason or you're still in control. Say your piece and let him go. If he doesn't come back, I'll think of something more dramatic.'

Page 277.
He was making his way through the revolving door in that blue shirt with the white collar and cuffs that I liked so much. He looked worn, which was gratifying, and preoccupied. And sort of....empty. Where, I wondered, was the swagger that I so loved?
He saw me. Of course he saw me. The crazy girl in the middle of the street in the orange sweater was staring straight at him. How could he miss me?

Page 278.
The light changed and I made it across the third lane. He was only yards away and I ran.
'Wait!' I called. I caught his shoulder and he had to turn around.
'You were just going to run away and never speak to me again?' I demanded. 'It doesn't work that way! You don't get to do that.'
'I don't want to do this, Liza.'
'What? Me? Us? What is it that you don't want to do?'
'I'm not having this discussion in the middle of the street.' He barely looked at me. He just looked over my head like maybe I'd vanish if he just wanted it badly enough.

'Listen to me. I love you. I'm in love with you. There is no one in the world who I respect or admire or bloody trust more than you. And the rest of this is bullshit. The things I've said, the mistakes I've made. I was scared, George. I was just scared. Why don't you get that?'
I was saying it. I was saying everything I'd been unable, too afraid, to say for so long, and for the first time in my entire life I was actually allowing myself to mean it. But he wasn't looking at me.

'Sometimes,' he finally said, 'people should go with their instincts.'
'George, this is what I've been trying to tell you! My instincts were-'
'Not yours.' He paused. 'Mine.'

He looked at me in the eye for the first time. And there was a wall where I'd never seen on before.
'I don't think I understand.'
'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I have to go. Take care of yourself.'

I opened my mouth, but I couldn't make a sound. I wanted to evaporate, to lose consciousness, to sprain my ankle so he'd have to take me to the hospital and we could start all over again and this time I wouldn't fuck it up.
But I just stood there.
He turned away.

I watched him fade away.

--taken from a Little Black Dress book titled Right Before Your Eyes by Ellen Shanman.

i wasnt really sure why i totally typed those pages. but this scene is my favourite part of the book. the girl has a foul mouth, she said some crappy stuff and the guy totally caved in and dissapear. so she was trying to win him back but didnt try hard enough. and watched him fade away.

i guess what i really want to say is, FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE. fight as hard as you might, dont expect things to be okay. it will never be okay if you dont do anything about it. i love to read, it teaches me things only books can. and you tend to understand more by reading, as you get entagled w the feelings and get to feel it somehow.

to those who are in love, love is a battlefield. thats nothing new. fight for your love. hold on to it, dont ever let go. great love dont come easy, so appreciate your partner.

to those who are looking for love, dont stop believing. its out there, all you need to do is open up and listen to your heart. being scared wont get you anywhere, heck, we are all scared. but that is what love is all about, being scared and trying out new things :)

with that, happy new year everybody.

to love, cheers.



bella j said...

ahhh best :) that clearly made my day today.. well 2nd best compared to my boyfie that is :P haha!

Mighty Jacksparrow said...

i, too, adore this one very much, though i may do not have what it takes to claim myself to be in love, let alone ever to find one again to love. nevertheless, the philosophy behind this writing is entirely beautiful, and for such beatitude i shall say thank you.

happy new year to you too.