Tuesday, December 29, 2009

we are built to survive certain tragedies.

Page 274.
Perhaps the most dangerous thing about falling in love, especially ill-fated love, is the way it can make you forget that you're a person with a life. I have seen far too many capable, healthy people with jobs and families and great apartments simply turn into puddles of self-pity all because of a star-crossed relationship that took a lousy turn. I never pictured myself as the type, but there I was, two weeks after George made his sudden and dramatic exit, barely working and barely getting through the day. It was like I'd just forgotten that I had an identity before George.

Page 276.
'I think so.'
'No, you don't. you've hurt his feelings, but that's not the damned problem.'
'It's not?'
'No, the damned problem is that you've embarrassed him. Men can take bullets, but they can't stand to be humiliated.'
'You're saying I should've shot him?'
'I'm saying you need to find a way to give him back the power. He can't come back without a reason or you're still in control. Say your piece and let him go. If he doesn't come back, I'll think of something more dramatic.'

Page 277.
He was making his way through the revolving door in that blue shirt with the white collar and cuffs that I liked so much. He looked worn, which was gratifying, and preoccupied. And sort of....empty. Where, I wondered, was the swagger that I so loved?
He saw me. Of course he saw me. The crazy girl in the middle of the street in the orange sweater was staring straight at him. How could he miss me?

Page 278.
The light changed and I made it across the third lane. He was only yards away and I ran.
'Wait!' I called. I caught his shoulder and he had to turn around.
'You were just going to run away and never speak to me again?' I demanded. 'It doesn't work that way! You don't get to do that.'
'I don't want to do this, Liza.'
'What? Me? Us? What is it that you don't want to do?'
'I'm not having this discussion in the middle of the street.' He barely looked at me. He just looked over my head like maybe I'd vanish if he just wanted it badly enough.

'Listen to me. I love you. I'm in love with you. There is no one in the world who I respect or admire or bloody trust more than you. And the rest of this is bullshit. The things I've said, the mistakes I've made. I was scared, George. I was just scared. Why don't you get that?'
I was saying it. I was saying everything I'd been unable, too afraid, to say for so long, and for the first time in my entire life I was actually allowing myself to mean it. But he wasn't looking at me.

'Sometimes,' he finally said, 'people should go with their instincts.'
'George, this is what I've been trying to tell you! My instincts were-'
'Not yours.' He paused. 'Mine.'

He looked at me in the eye for the first time. And there was a wall where I'd never seen on before.
'I don't think I understand.'
'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I have to go. Take care of yourself.'

I opened my mouth, but I couldn't make a sound. I wanted to evaporate, to lose consciousness, to sprain my ankle so he'd have to take me to the hospital and we could start all over again and this time I wouldn't fuck it up.
But I just stood there.
He turned away.

I watched him fade away.

--taken from a Little Black Dress book titled Right Before Your Eyes by Ellen Shanman.

i wasnt really sure why i totally typed those pages. but this scene is my favourite part of the book. the girl has a foul mouth, she said some crappy stuff and the guy totally caved in and dissapear. so she was trying to win him back but didnt try hard enough. and watched him fade away.

i guess what i really want to say is, FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE. fight as hard as you might, dont expect things to be okay. it will never be okay if you dont do anything about it. i love to read, it teaches me things only books can. and you tend to understand more by reading, as you get entagled w the feelings and get to feel it somehow.

to those who are in love, love is a battlefield. thats nothing new. fight for your love. hold on to it, dont ever let go. great love dont come easy, so appreciate your partner.

to those who are looking for love, dont stop believing. its out there, all you need to do is open up and listen to your heart. being scared wont get you anywhere, heck, we are all scared. but that is what love is all about, being scared and trying out new things :)

with that, happy new year everybody.

to love, cheers.


Monday, December 28, 2009


so i went to singapore for a little get away last weekend.
it was fun.
and kinda annoying.
my friend was fined $400 for bringing in two ciggie boxes. two boxes kay, not cartons.
clothes and perfumes and shoes and make-ups are bloody cheap over there. not fair.
the food are just okay. hard to find halal food. maybe i was looking at the wrong places. *shrugs*
i like the mustafa mall. got imported chocolates. *drool*
my first bus ride, shah alam to jb. blergh.
my first out of the country trip w friends lol
first hooters experience. takde pun orang boobs besar sampai baju nak terkoyak. hampa jugak laa.
first time sleeping in a hostel. so not my thing. i cant even pee. only pooped on Day 4. yergh.
but i had so much fun hanging out w my friends. yeayy :)

sleeping in a bus.

hostel girls.

packed mrt.

soak up the sun :)

backpacking is so not my style.

oh, my life is changing everyday.

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me

-Dreams, The Cranberries

its the ones you can call at 4am that matter.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I think I need a sunrise

my heart is breaking.

no, its not my boyfriend.
its work.

hmm, where do i start.
i am seconded to a project, a lousy one, till August 2009.
and it has been HELL.
i am trying to get out of here in April 2010, been scouting for a few positions.
ive got two escape plans, one wants me in march 2010, another is sometime mid next year.
and i was in the midst of updating my resume.
then thunder strikes.
i just heard that the CEO aka the Devil wants to extend my contract till end of 2o10.
apparently i am one of the unlucky ones.
he is going to meet Tan Sri H on the 5th of Jan to discuss this matter.
God, please shed some light.
please let Tan Sri H see how miserable we all are and not approve the extension plan.
we are all suffering here.
please take us back as soon as possible.

and i think this song explains what im feeling right now.

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone? Oh, it has begun
Oh dear, you look so lost
Your eyes are red, the tears are shed
This world you must have crossed, you said

You don't know me
And you don't even care, oh yeah
And you said, you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah

Essential yet appealed
You carry all your thoughts across an open field
Where flowers gaze at you
They're not the only ones who cry when they see you

You said you don't know me
And you don't even care, oh yeah
Well you said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah

She said I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over
Where no one knows my name

I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
I think I'll get a lover
And fly 'em out to Spain

Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston
I think that I was tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind

I think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of Sunset
I hear it's nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice, oh yeah

You don't know me
And you don't even care, oh yeah

Boston, where no one knows my name
Where no one knows my name
Where no one knows my name, yeah

Boston, where no one knows my name

song of the day: boston by augustana.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

in the mood.

im in the mood to blog but i only have time for less than 140 characters.
ive been yapping at twitter 24/7 now, and twitter takes the art of crapping in more than 1000 words away from me.

and tumblr? dont get me started.
tumblr is whack okay.
it eradicates originality.
all they do is repost stuff, quotes, pictures and whatnot which are obviously not anyone's.
its like making ripping off legal.
shame on you tumblr-ers.

as you can see, im in a foul mood.
which is the best time to write.
and i finally found my ipod and im listening to my 2008 playlists.
so cute. lol

ive got songs like:
everclear - father of mine
afroman - because i got high
bittersweet - capital e
dance hall crashers - enough
ingrid michaelson - the way i am
jimmy eat world - the middle
jamie scott and the town - when will i see your face again
the calling - wherever you will go

okay i better stop naming songs lol

oh, did you know that wearing a black plastic rimmed glasses has a huge impact on men?
tak tau pulak all these men at my office are werewolves.
i walk by je, fewit fewit.
obviously you arent getting enough at home.
ladies, "feed" your man regularly please?

oops, gtg.
talk soon.

things that made my day: my 2008 playlists and blogging.
song of the day: staring at the sun by rooster <3

Monday, November 16, 2009

friends forever

you can be friends w mafias, prostitutes, terrorists,
anyone really,
as long as you dont forget who you are
and what you believe in.


Monday, November 9, 2009

What Quirky Things Do You Love (That Some People Don’t "Get")? *updated*

yeah the title was a rip-off. saw the title on the net and thought it would be fun to come up w my own quirky things.

here goes:

  1. i read magazines from back to front. its more interesting that way.
  2. i am obsessed w buying stationeries (pens, notebooks, colored papers, punchers, staplers, erasers etc.) i can spend rm100 just buying pens.
  3. i wish i was a boy, every single day. no commitment, not a care in the world and its okay because guys are just not capable of being responsible. fun eh?
  4. i would always dash for the deserts first at a buffet and would be too full from eating cakes and cookies and ice-cream to eat anything else.
  5. i read. anything. labels on bottles, signboards, ads, etc. anything. except for news. haha.
  6. i like to peel off labels off shiny things.
  7. i hate my boobs. i honestly do.
  8. ideas often come rolling when i was shitting. i used to have a pen and a notebook in the toilet when i was young.
  9. i dont eat fish. theyre gross.
  10. i am SCARED of cats. so scared its not even funny. try me and dont be mad if youve gone deaf.
  11. i like to make lists, and totally forget about them the next day.
wanna share yours? ;)


okay okay i know i should post that quirky list already (see below) but yeah i am man enough to admit that ive been procrastinating. i have the list in my little black book of everything but cant seem to bring myself to type it here. thinking of snapping a picture of the list and posting it haha we'll see.


lookie lookie, my boyfriend has upgraded himself to a manfriend it seems lol

he gave me a promise ring yesterday woot! me is super happy :D

err actually he gave me two identical rings, so that shows double commitment laa kan? lol

so im at work now, its kind of a slow day. ive been waving my hand dramatically like a drunk drag queen just so people could notice. shallow? yes. effective? yes. haha i dont want to brag but i want attention, how meh? ;)

im so happy today nothing can break me. okay laa ada laa marah sikit pagi tadi. sebab:
  1. bangun lambat.
  2. admiring the ring dalam toilet for too long, so mandi terlebih lama than usual.
  3. keluar rumah lambat, 715 am.
  4. some stupid arrogant fuck was driving slow nak mampus on the right lane dekat NPE.
  5. banana boy dont wanna have breakfast w me sebab dia dah bosan tengok muka moi.
  6. my pink tag thingy (landyard?) putus.
but today is WOTEVAHH day, as mention by ms rainbowsnshit ;)


Friday, November 6, 2009

the cutest wedding invitation evahhh

cheers to jill and matt! :]

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

What Quirky Things Do You Love (That Some People Don’t "Get")?

will post mine when im not too busy doing something else i thought is more important.

stay tuned ;)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

if i could have one wish,

i wish to be forgiven.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

getting rid of matthew

i finally managed to finish this book,
'getting rid of matthew' by jane fallon.

i loooovvvee this book, its the greatest chic lit evaahhhhh.

below is a review by book-chic.

to all the witty ladies,
please buy this book.
you wont regret it, trust me ;)


Sunday, September 20, 2009

unicorns dont exist. snap out of it.

Here's a story.

One did something wrong.
One is also completely aware of it.
One hopes that the stars will be aligned for him and hopes that he will get lucky this time.
One was wrong.
One has to pay the consequences of the said wrong doing.

When will people ever learn? Magic does not exist and luck rarely comes by.

Come on, we are better than this.

Prevention is better than cure.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

im hungry!


kim kardashian is a genius.

just apologize, and make it all better.

-kim kardashian, in keeping up with the kardashians.

Monday, September 14, 2009

in the end only kindness matters

oh, finally its almost over!
yeayyyy :)

hazim is coming out of the hospital tmrw :)))))))

thank you soooooo much for all of your support
ill remember them till i die, promise.

stronger than yesterday, lol

guess what i was doing?

scratching his knees. for every 5 minutes!

love conquers all :)


Friday, September 11, 2009

love, please get well soon.

im so not into working today.
my body is at my desk but my mind is elsewhere.

i wanna be w hazim now now nowwwwwwwwww,
just sit there and do nothing, or watch him sleep.

apparently its not the normal appendicitis.
his stomach has been infected w germs.
hence, he is in a lot of pain.
transferred to the HDU (high dependency unit) yesterday.

i feel so...empty.
ive been spending the last 2 days sitting by his side.
but HDU does not allow us to wait for the patients.
i feel so alone.

hazim, please get well soon :(

before operation

after operation. hes got a bit of a fever.

in HDU. apparently his fever got worse, due to the germs in his tummy.

please please pleeeeeaaaasssssseeeeeeeeeeee pray for his recovery.
thanks <3

Monday, September 7, 2009


hahahahahaha this was taken yearrsss back.
omg, i love you hazim!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

on a lighter note,

catching up w schoolmates was a blast :))

im not stupid, just silly.

so here's a story about me and my phone(s).

i was happily using a Nokia E71 until i carelessly put in on a pile of tshirts at zara klcc and forgot all about it. and months later i realized that Nokia E71 is the best phone ever and i find it hard to replace it w other phones. tapi tanak beli phone yang sama, sebab ego. hello, new phone, new design laa kan?

oh, i miss you. come baaaccckkkkkkk.

out of pity, my dad gave me his old communicator. and i bedazzled it. woot.

communicator is the shiznit, but im a little bit too young to be using it lol

i have always wanted to use an htc, just because. so i bought the tytn II, which turned out not so great. used it for 4 hours, and sold it the next day. bluergh.

a few weeks after, i was drown in the whole iphone world domination plan. changed my line operator from celcom to maxis, paid the rm 200 booking fee. oh and i was buying the white 16gb 3gs.

and err i bought the casing on the same day. rm120, which somewhate looked like this. wanted to buy blue and yellow too, hazim stopped me. bravo, love :p

i had doubts about iphone. its a cute phone and all but im a texter. i text allll the time. even under the table during meetings. and iphones touchscreen keyboard is not hiddie friendly. so goodbye iphone. planned to not collect it when maxis call later. yeah, goodbye rm200 too.

i was surfing the net and apparently blackberry bold is the so-called iphone killer. i dont care what they say, whats important is the keypad. and blackberry is more of a phone compared to the iphone. and a good phone is what im looking for.

this is uber cute! sadly its not available yet. and im done waiting.

so i am currently waiting for my blackberry bold. in black. and umm ive switched to celcom again. had to pay rm148 upfront. whatever. i need a good phone!

and now, i wait.

i hate waiting. bluergh.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

beware of dog.

okayy im totally PMS-ing here.

negative vibes ahead, youve been warned.

i am suddenly sick of these social networking websites. too much unnecessary info. who cares if you just got up or whatever? sheesh. and i just realized how stupid ive become. *embarassed*

anyway, whatever. i need to vent. screw what i said about too much unnecessary info on the net.

today was superrrrr hot. and all this rush to shop untuk raya is bloody annoying. every mall is flooded. traffic was a friggin bitch. uuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

and kenapa semua major benda kena ada dekat kl anyway? dah laa i work in kl, weekend also need to go to kl. duduk dalam jam lagi. most of my hours goes to sitting in the car. annoyiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

btw, went to maxis tower to get hazim's iphone. mine is supposed to sampai some time next week. im still having doubts about it. should i get an iphone or should i not? i dont really want it. but i gotta have it. tanak kalah haha tapiii bukannya best pun, id rather go w nokia. tapi nokia now buruk! ugh.

okay this post is total crap. excuse my mood.

good night <3.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

dayyummm, hes hot!

oh big haired guy, lets run away to the clouds

happy happy joy joy

i am happy today.
yeayy me.

Monday, August 31, 2009

when growing up means growing apart.

it sucks.

if only i have more money

i love scrapbooking. but its quite an expensive hobby. and time consuming. below are a few of the good ones taken off the net.

*note to self: clean up room. take out sofa. buy table. and start scrapping! lol

cute, innit?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

the first time ever i saw your face.

omg. this is amazahziiinnnnnnngggg!

when its too much to bear,

i swear to god i will run away.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Monday, August 17, 2009

go figure.

there is a fine line between simple and sloppy.

Friday, August 14, 2009

lets have some fun this beat is sick

taken wednesday 120809 :)

Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me.


on a happier note, I had 5 different comments saying that i lost weight. woot!
kim kardashian, you better watch out.


Monday, August 10, 2009

oh snap.

favorite gay friend is turning straight ;((((((((((( yea, go ahead. call me selfish. nice gay friends are hard to come by.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

im okay *updated*

im okay.
we are okay.
*dance dance wiggle wiggle*

weekend well spent.

1. long friday lunch.
you dont wanna know what we were talking about :p

2. bought a new dress.
haha i didnt take the picture of the dress. this is me, thinking i looked so fine lol

3. went clubbing for like, the 4th time in my life. yes, im lame.
fun, fun, fun :)

4. had the best night ever.
the pictures are pretty self explanatory lol

5. broke the curfew, got mum and dad worried sick. got home at 230am. am growing up now, lol.

6. karaoke at redbox on saturday, made new friends.
we love to sing!

7. bought dvds and dinner at hartamas. (for the second time in my life. yup, i dont go out much)

8. watched breakfast at tiffany's on sunday morning w love :)
audrey hepburn is the shiznit

9. went to wana's w love and baby brother. erni came too.

10. wana's cats, cake, mean girls the movie, mcdonald's, baby brother, love, erni and wana. *bliss*

11. planned to sleep early, but am uploading photos on facebook instead :p

p/s: pictures will be added later.