an open letter for hazim mohamad.

Hi baby,

I'm sorry for doing it this way. Truth is I don't want to text you or email you cuz I don't want to annoy you any more than I already did.
I didnt write this on a card or a piece of paper or in my moleskine either cuz I'm not sure when will I ever see you again.
So I'm writing it here in my blog, for you to find this whenever you feel like checking for my updates. Whenever you feel like it. Not gonna force you to listen to me anymore.

Watching lipstick jungle on starworld just now made me realize a few things. We were very much like brooke shields and her husband in that series.

Baby, I've had my time. You were kind enough to let me live life the way I wanted to and you were so sweet, always accommodating me, following my mold.

You missed on a lot of football matches in uni because you had to go home during the weekends so we could talk on the phone. And there were many many times when you came down to perak to see me, to entertain me there. I'm sure I didn't show much appreciation back then but now that I've realized your effort, time and money spent in being w me, I thank you so so much for doing all that. I'm sorry I was too stupid to notice how kind you were and I am terribly sorry for taking you for granted.

And I have to admit we were struggling for quite a while and I moved back into the city. We were so used to having two separate lives we can't seem to fit in between. You ended up giving up on a lot of things to hang out w me, my brothers, entertaining my dads requests, running errands w me and the list goes on.

What I'm trying to say is, I understand if you need a little space. And I'm accepting the fact that its okay for you to be absorbed in your own life. Live, that's what you should do. And I won't stop you. I won't complain. 

Because its your turn.

Now I have to admit that I am scared of having the rest of the world know how great you are. And people will start wanting to have a piece of you more and more. I'm afraid that I will eventually fall out of your life. Which explains why I am super insecure.

But like you said, I have to trust you. And I will.

You own my heart, hazim. It doesn't matter what you do, or what you dont do. Its doesn't matter what you have or what you don't have.

I love you for who you are, good or bad, in good health or not, sane or insane. 

I hope to hear from you soon as I am missing you terribly already.

Love,
Nurhidayah Abd Rahman.